Navigating Love: Essential Tips for Happy Relationships

Essential Tips to Cultivate Happy Relationships

Cultivating a happy relationship involves commitment, communication, and mutual respect. Here are some easy steps to help you build and maintain a strong and healthy relationship:

1. Effective Communication

• Open and Honest: Share your thoughts, feelings, and needs openly. Encourage your partner to do the same.

• Active Listening: Listen to understand, not just to respond. Show empathy and validate their feelings.

2. Respect and Trust

• Mutual Respect: Honor each other's boundaries, values, and opinions, even when they differ from your own.

• Build Trust: Be reliable and consistent. Keep your promises and be transparent in your actions.

3. Quality Time Together

• Prioritize Time: Spend meaningful time together, whether it’s a shared hobby, a date night, or just talking.

• Stay Connected: Regularly check in on each other’s day, thoughts, and feelings.

4. Support and Encourage Growth

• Personal Growth: Encourage each other’s personal development and independence.

• Shared Goals: Work together towards common goals and support each other's ambitions.

5. Healthy Conflict Resolution

• Stay Calm: Approach conflicts calmly and respectfully. Avoid blaming or shouting.

• Seek Solutions: Focus on finding solutions rather than winning arguments.

6. Show Appreciation

• Express Gratitude: Regularly show appreciation for each other, both in small and big ways.

• Affection: Show love and affection regularly, through words, gestures, and actions.

7. Maintain Independence

• Personal Space: Respect each other’s need for personal time and space.

• Individual Interests: Pursue your hobbies and interests, while supporting your partner in theirs.

8. Stay Flexible and Adaptable

• Adapt to Change: Be willing to grow and change together as circumstances evolve.

• Compromise: Be open to finding a middle ground on disagreements.

9. Focus on the Positive

• Positive Reinforcement: Focus on each other’s strengths and positives more than flaws.

• Forgive: Let go of grudges and forgive mistakes, both big and small.

10. Set Boundaries

• Healthy Boundaries: Clearly define and respect each other’s boundaries to maintain a healthy relationship dynamic.

  
  

You can create a strong, resilient, and fulfilling relationship by consistently applying these principles.

Video Transcription

Michelle, Hi everyone. Welcome to another episode of Unlock Your Superpower podcast. I'm your host, Michelle Mehta, and I'm here with my co host Veronica Joseph, and we are so delighted and excited because we have a very special guest with us today. She is an amazing relationship coach. She's one of the reasons why I keep getting in and out of relationships, because she keeps me on track, making sure that I fall in love with the right person. And she's not other than my dear friend, Miss Susan Shepherd, who is also an international Best Selling Author, an NLP trainer and so much more, not to mention a registered nurse of 40 years in the emergency department and now she said, sayonara, to the nursing world, let me help beautiful single people like Veronica and I fall in love with ourselves and others. So please help me welcome Susan Shepherd to the beautiful stage. Hi, Susan, welcome.

Hi ladies, how are you? We're good. We're so happy to be here with you, and so we are so excited.

So my first question, Susan is, how can you help single people find the right person?

Well, my choice is to work with single people, particularly single people who've had bad experiences and who have had serial bad relationships with the same person in different bodies. You all understand what that means, right, correct. Yeah. Okay, so I used to work with married people, but I quit working with married people because I started doing this work to decrease the divorce rate, not increase it. When I worked with married people, and I made them tell the truth to each other, most of them got divorced because they never should have got married in the first place.

Oh, my goodness. Well, way to be the change in which to see in the world like reducing the divorce rate. Because did you know Orange County California has 50% divorce rates, and California is the highest state to have divorces, which is why you can't change your middle name when you get married. You can only change your last name, and in Indian culture, you have to change your middle name and your last name based on the person that you marry. So when my sister decided to get married, she could only change her last name, and she's like, well, that doesn't make sense. She ended up keeping her own identity. And I had no idea, because of this divorce rates in the state of California. So that is such great insight. I didn't know that at all.

I'm just wondering, since when we have relationship, we try to connect with them in a separate level, physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, or soul to soul, for whoever relationship we ended up sometimes it's a reflection of our own self, right? It could be a projection, or if there's something within ourselves that we needed to work on, like, for instance, insecurity or feeling not good enough, we're gonna find someone that possibly have the same issue, and what happened is it's gonna reflect back to us. So it's possible that sometimes it reflects to us, and so in that case, we have to be aware, right? Whether is it ours, that we have to work on, as far as insecurity, you know, projecting that they have their own problems, right?

You're making this way too complicated. So how do you make it simple?

Well, I have a system that I started using. Well, now it's 35 years ago.

I developed this system with my very first client, and it's called Love with Class, and it's a mnemonic, C, L, A, S, S, C stands for clarity, and that's the first thing you have to decide when you're choosing to enter a relationship is, what do you want? What kind of relationship do you want? Do you want to get married? Do you want to have a boyfriend? Do you want to have a booty call? Do you want to just have a friend? I mean, you have to really have clarity about what do you have, what's the lifestyle you want to live, and what do you really want? And in my experience, most women don't know they have a sense of it. They think they know, and they all tell me, usually I'll know it when I see it.

And that is really it's a flawed way of looking at it. So the very first step in my process is to get my new clients to know themselves first, so they do some work to learn what their values are, their highest values, and what is it they really want, and what's their idea of success and what success mean to that? So that's the very first step is in my process, is clarity.

Second step since is out, and L stands for love yourself, because if you don't love yourself, you can't possibly love someone else. So and part of the issue is that people have idealistic ideas about who they're going to choose, and most women understand that women do the choosing. They all think that men do the choosing, and they have to wait for men to act in order for them to have a relationship. But that's not true at all. The matter is that women do the choosing and the ending of all relationships.

They're the ones who decide.

And, you know, men think they do, and we let them think they do. Why not let them think they do? But the truth is, if you're going to meet somebody, a man will not approach you until give a signal, and maybe that signal is just smiling at him, or looking at him in the eyes and and smiling at him, or giving them a nod, or opening your mouth and saying something, even if it's isn't the sky in this elevator blue today, which doesn't make any sense at all, but it is a statement that allows someone to talk to you, because if You want to meet somebody, just to open your mouth and say something in their presence, and if very interested, they will.

So the Love Yourself step is it can be deemed controversial by like because what I do is I tell people you have to expand your perception of who's out there for you, because generally speaking, in the world, what has happened is people get disappointed and disillusioned. And they start out open like this, and as they get disappointed, they shut down a little more, a little more and a little more, and then they're looking for someone that meets this tiny description right here, who doesn't exist, and what my my process is to open them up again, to have people step outside their comfort zone, meet people they never would have spoken to in their life before, people that they weren't even attracted to, and find out who are these People, and speak to them about what gets them up in the morning, what excites them, what is their passion in life. Now, I don't tell people to go date these people. I tell them to go do research, meet 40 people who are outside your comfort zone that you're not necessarily attracted to, and find out what makes them tick, and what happens then is it opens up pathways in your brain to allow you to choose someone outside of this little nugget that you've narrowed yourself down to, and it's been working really, really well For 35 years. I've had a lot of success with getting people to basically reframe their perception of who's out there for them, and see people that couldn't see me for it because they wouldn't even consider being in relationship with them.

And so that's the Love Yourself stuff. It's the transformational work that I do with people, and it's very original. It's work that I created with the very first client ever had, and realized that that was what made the difference in allowing that person to basically find someone that they had known their whole life but would never have considered until the work we did, and that that particular person has been married to that gentleman for 35 years now, and they have a relationship. So that's the second step.

Third step is, I teach everyone how to ask for what you want. You can be heard and in a way that people want to give you what it is you're asking for. And it's a very simple little formula. It's called acknowledge, ask and appreciate, which means you can acknowledge them first you raise the bar for what you're asking for, acknowledge them for having delivered something you know they know how to do because you've witnessed it. I mean, if you're asking your boss for a raise, you know that that boss has given somebody a raise in the past. And so you just say, I hope generous you've been in the past, and the way to reward employees who work hard for you, so I'm asking you for a 10% raise. I'm making this up, obviously.

And, and then you just wait for the results and and really appreciate when they respond to you in positive way. But that little formula can be used on anyone. It can be used on your children and your grandchildren and your friends and your significant others and your family and just everyone and and it is not, definitely not manipulation. It really is sincerely acknowledging somebody for something you know that they're able to do, and then telling them exactly for what you want.

Part of the problem with with most women is they don't ever ask for exactly what they want. They hint, and men are clueless when it comes to hinting.

I've seen so many situations where a woman will ask a man for something, and my one of my favorite illustrations is, oh, I want you to take me somewhere romantic for my birthday.

And that person maybe he takes her to a football game and out for beer with the guys afterwards, because that seems romantic to him. But if you tell him, I want a romantic week at the beach, at a bed and breakfast where we have a private jacuzzi and we can sip wine and watch the sunset, that's a specific request, but you can ask for that if it's the right person that you're with six months in advance, and he'll remember. But anyway, that's the Ask part.

The fourth step is success with the essential ingredients in a relationship, and those three ingredients are, where are they? Michelle, chemistry, compatibility, love and respect, maybe. Yes, that's it.

Chemistry is the easy part. Everybody knows when you have chemistry, but chemistry alone is not enough. And the reason we have a divorce rate that's so high is because people get married strictly for chemistry, and they don't look any further. They don't look into what are the compatibilities. Compatibilities have more to do with your values and your idea of success, and what is it you really want in the world, and not really and really avoiding deal breakers, because what usually happens to people is they meet somebody, they have great chemistry, and they go, Oh, but this person is a gambler, and can gamble our money away, but, oh well, we can fix that later, or maybe that'll go away. Or, you know, we can just change that later, and they or the red flag, and they get married anyway and end up getting divorced 20 years later because that person gambled all their life savings away. But it can be anything. A deal breaker can be anything. It can be geography. Someone lives in on a farm, and the other person wants to live in New York City and they're not going to move. They don't want to move.

In fact, you know the golden bachelor? Do you remember the golden bachelor that was on TV recently? It's the bachelor and bachelorette program that's on. Well, that golden bachelor and his new wife that he met on the golden bachelor. They got married for chemistry and probably love with respect, but they didn't consider the compatibilities, and so they got married right after that show, and got divorced four months later because neither one of them wanted to leave where they were living because of their grandchildren.

So compatibility is, is a real, serious flaw that people tend to ignore. They don't pay attention to their compatibility, and it has to do with lifestyle. Has to do with lifestyle. It has to do with having children. It has to do with where you want to live. It has to do with your values and pretty much everything.

And the last piece is love with respect because of someone and not respect them. You can respect someone and not love them, and if you don't have both, actually those ingredients or at some point, the relationship will fail.

So that brings up a good point to them, because a lot of celebrities, they divorce over the term in reconcilable differences, irreconcilable differences, and it's like we don't really know what those differences are. Some wants to be a mom, some wants to be a dad, but either one of them don't want to be a parent at the same time. I mean, we've seen that with Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt. We've seen that with Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt. I mean, just to give out some examples, but that is something that it's usually compatibility, ends up causing a divorce or somebody cheats. You know, that's the love with respect. If somebody cheats, it's they don't have the respect for each other, because that's what cheating is all about, is that you have no respect for the other person, and you go out and cheat.

The final step is called step up and step out, which means if you've done all the work and I've given you to do in those first four steps, you're ready as a woman to go out and choose a mate. Now, if you're a man, this work, the best thing you can do is get in front of the woman you want to choose and let her choose you, because the women do the choosing.

So that's my story, that's what I do, and I love that.

If you know this, but in 2021 I met with Susan because of a referral that I had a couple other friends refer me out, and she gave me this project. And prior to meeting Susan, I used to only date Indian men, because I knew and I was like, You know what? I'm only gonna date Indian men. And so she told me, first thing is that you cannot date anyone that is brown, that does that includes Indian men, that includes anyone means of kindness. You have to go and expand. And at first, I was like, you've got to be kidding me. I was mad at her with her at first, but I said, You know what? Maybe I'll give it a shot. She goes. You're not dating them. You're doing market research. And in this case, when you're doing market research, honesty really helps, because I told every guy that went with this project with I said, Look, I'm doing market research.

I hit number 40. I can't ask you out again, and you can't ask me out again. And like, well, what number am I? And I was like, You're number five. So forever they were all five, but I had moved up the ladder, because if I told them they were 25 or 35 or 37 closer to 40, they were like going to get the hopes up, and I knew that if I went on a date again with them, I would a break Susan's rule B, I would be doing myself a disservice. And so doing that 40 people, not only do they give me confidence in asking for what I want to realize how much non Indian people appreciate the Indian culture, which I had my blinders on, and it made me got, made me get even more confident letting people like, what do you do for a living? Oh, I'm a life coach. Oh, what do you do for a living? Oh, I just recently became a TEDx speaker. What do you do for a living? Oh, I recently had my book come out, and all of that stuff gave me confidence to not shy away from my achievement, because sometimes, as women, we don't own our gifts, but this 40 people project actually helped me own my gift.

So that's why I was like we got to have Susan Shepherd on our call to help you understand that relationship isn't about you and others, it's about you and yourself. First and foremost, know who you are, like Know thyself and so, you know, I really appreciate this class system. I don't think I'm at the bottom of the s yet, because I still got a lot of inner work to do, you know, especially because it is a time consuming project, and you don't realize the trauma that has come from bad relationship conversations and that carries on into the insecurity that you were talking about.

Quick question. I mean, I appreciate you sharing your story. Michelle, so in this days, when people are so busy, right, how can we come up with 40 people to do the market research. How can we meet these people? I mean, other than So, let me ask you a question, yeah, do you ever go anywhere? So my rule number one is you must leave the house.

You have to leave the house, you have to go out, you have to go places, and you have to participate in things in order to meet people. But you can meet a stranger at a bus stop and have a conversation with them and learn enough about them in the 10 minutes you're waiting for a bus that you could actually answer all the questions I ask you to find out the questions are easy. They really are. It's like, what's your highest value? And in a conversation with someone, they reveal that to you, what how do you really treat the opposite sex? You just watch how they react to people. If someone gets on a bus and there's a woman bus driver. Is this man polite to that woman bus driver? Or in a restaurant, how does he treat the waitress or the or the girl who takes to the table and in a very short conversation? I mean, I've done it. I've been doing it for a long time. Obviously, I've been doing it for 35 years, so I can do it in minutes, but I did it once in one of the checkers who was checking me out at TJ Maxx. I bought four items, and you know how they have a long line, and you're waiting in this little night. And I got up there and I had a conversation with the gentleman who was checking I got the answers to all the questions in a matter of two minutes that I was there, checking out.

It's not that you have to have a long term relationship with anybody, it's just you need a conversation, a real conversation, an authentic, vulnerable conversation, where you ask whatever occurs to you and not worry about what that person is going to think about what you ask them to really be open and honest and vulnerable.

Part of the process, the transformational process that all of my clients go through, is they develop a relationship with themselves, and they realize that they have been using their mask to interact with someone else's mask, and they never get to meet the real person, and they never get to show that person who they really are, because we all have A persona that we that's out there. And when you go out there and you meet a stranger, you're you've got your persona on. You're not being authentic. You're just trying to be as impressive as you can.

And so you can have a conversation with anyone with one of my favorite places to have conversations is a grocery store.

The grocery store, right, it's gonna be hard for no to ask. You know, to start the conversation.

Starting a conversation is really easy. All you have to do is say something, anything. Say anything you could say to somebody that you're walking down the street and see somebody and you think that would be interesting to talk to that person. You stop them and say, I really like that tie you're wearing. What color is that, or where did you get it? You could, I mean, you can start a conversation with anything, and then you just have a conversation with them, if they don't converse with you, it's not you, they're not responding to that. This is a key thing that I teach people. It's like if you try to have a conversation with somebody and they didn't know it has nothing to do with you. It has to do with the fact that they're focused on getting somewhere and doing something else, and they cannot get distracted. So they may look like they're snubbing you, but they're not. They're just they're focused, and their attention is so I think Michelle has learned that, haven't you? I think part of me is asking the questions beyond like, Hey, how are you right? What are you passionate about? What people love talking about themselves.

Veronica, you and I have known that part of our unlock your superpower podcast is all about unlocking who we really are, asking that vulnerable questions. You know, talking about the different modalities that you and I both teach right to our clients, and so it's all about people love talking about themselves. And when you just ask the icebreaker question. And we could do a whole segment, top icebreaker questions to ask. And we can have Susan Shepherd do a part two and a three. We could do a whole relationship series, because she has shared so much just in her class system, C, L, A, S, S, and I'm going to do a quick recap, and you can help me with this one, Veronica,

what's C that's for clarity? Yes, L is for Love yourself, A is for Ask.

S is for Success with the three essential ingredients, chemistry, compatibility and love with respect. And the last S stands for step up and step out, because you're ready to go out and choose a mate.

And this basically ties it down to the power is always within you. Women have the power. We have the creativity. I mean, we are the ones that are bearing life.

We are essentially creating life. You know, how the baby is formed is what we're feeding it. So we have that internal power, and sometimes actually more to it than that, really just the truth is that men have had power in the world. They've been controlling everything forever, you know, and right now, there's a few things that are happening that may change that, but the reality is as they still they have the power everywhere else in the world, and let them have it, because women have the power in relationship, and relationship is the foundation of everything that happens in the universe.

It's the foundation of politics, it's the foundation of business, it's the family, it's the foundation of love. Relationship is so if women have the power in a relationship, then let men have the power in the world. Let them have it.

They love that.

And the key is we have selves, have a relationship with our own selves, because if we're not happy with our own selves, we're not gonna be happy with anyone. Exactly one of the things that I say is that I help people become the person they need to be, to attract what it is they really want.

So the transformational work that I do is really supporting my clients to be automatically who they are and to own it and to love who they are so often,

particularly women. Women are very guilty of this. Women are very guilty of downing themselves, of not thinking they're attractive enough or smart enough or clever enough or educated enough for anyone.

Men, their doubt is about their ability to produce results. They never worry about their attractiveness, or, I can't say never, but most of the time, most whether they're attractive or not, they worry about whether they can produce enough results to impress a woman, whereas women will go to doubt about their attractiveness or their ability to be enough.

And so the work that I do with people is all about growing their self esteem and having them own, their confidence in their power, because that's really all it takes if a woman knows that she can walk in a room anywhere and look around, and I'd like to meet that person over there. I'd like to talk to that person over there. And all you have to do to do that is walk up to him and say something, and it's if you buy the self esteem and the confidence to be able to do that and realize that if they don't talk to you, it's really not about you, it's about them, then you can walk into any room, anywhere and choose who you want to associate with.

That's a very good, interesting insight. I love it.

How do people find you? Well, I have a website. It's Susan shepherd.com it's S, U, S, A, N, S, H, E, P, P, A, R, d.com,

and I have a couple of books that are out how to get what you want from your man any time dating after 40, no more excuses. And one that's about to be released any day is called the art of love with class C, L, A, S, S, and it's really it's Benson explained in detail with a journal. It's part of a journal. And then I do have another book that's also in editing, called who's cheating, who all about infidelity.

But on my website, if someone would like to have a conversation with me or has questions they'd like to ask, you can just go to susanshephard.com click on Time with Susan and make an appointment with me and anybody I love that client of three years, someone's like, well, how come you haven't found love yet? Because you don't really realize the blockages or the filter that you have treated on yourself when you're in a relationship. And so working with Susan for the past three and a half years, I have learned to love myself even more, especially at a time when you don't realize that there has been hidden levels of trauma, because sometimes relationship cause trauma that is undiscovered, and so working with Susan has helped me own more of that, release more of that trauma, own more of who I am.

And that's why this is called the unlock your superpower podcast. I'm your host, Michelle Mehta, and I have with me, Veronica Joseph, and thank you so much Susan. And thank you so much Susan for being our very special guest. And you know, look forward to part two and maybe a part three as we dive deeper into owning the relationship and having the relationship that you want. And remember, Susan Shepherd is giving a gift of her time, so make sure you visit her website to learn more until next time, see you later.

How can we foster more open and vulnerable conversations about self-esteem, confidence, and their role in forming healthy relationships?

To encourage more open and vulnerable conversations about self-esteem and confidence in relationships, focus on creating safe, non-judgmental spaces where people feel comfortable sharing.

Practice active listening, ask thoughtful questions that invite deeper reflection, and share your own experiences of personal growth.

Normalize discussions about self-worth by emphasizing that everyone struggles with confidence at times.

Use storytelling and personal anecdotes to help people feel less alone in their journey.

Encourage self-compassion and highlight that building self-esteem is a process, not a destination.

Provide resources like workshops, support groups, or coaching that can help individuals develop stronger self-awareness and confidence.